Absolution

It was raining outside and I was sitting in the car,
Watching the droplets roll down the window,
Their shadows leaving asymmetric lines on my arms.

I engraved your name on my wrist,
So I would not feel compelled to slice them open.
But I want to cut through them anyway and disfigure myself,
Because what is a battered body in front of a broken soul.

I am in the shower and I hiss as the hot water rolls off my back.
The thunderstorm has given way to a peaceful drizzle.
The soap runs off in rivulets down my arms and I look up,
The steam from the bath envelops me and I refuse to feel the pain.
I welcome it.

The pain settles in my shoulders and seeps into my very bones.
I have a hot cup of tea to keep me company,
A poor substitute for the warmth and comfort you once exuded in my life.
I am tired of being a sinner in your eyes and mine.
I wish for the rain to stop and the clouds to clear,
And someone to tell me, you are forgiven.